We the People the Struggle Continues

PUTTING MYSELF FIRST

Ugh god this is so hard to do. Easier for some peeps I think, but not for me. I totally believe in this too, because we are useless if we are so drained and exhausted all the time. I was aware of how miserable I was when I was depressed and that it did cause strain on all of my relationships. And even when I am not super in depression mode, I am not giving anyone my full capacity of love if I am just rolling through the motions. I like the bucket analogy that is out there,  where you can't give from your bucket if it is empty. But why is prioritizing ourselves so hard to do!?

For me it is part still caring what people think and part self-doubt. I have read, watched and heard the key to putting yourself first is by establishing boundaries and saying no when you mean no. That makes sense to me and I find that  is the easy part. However, the criticism and question brigade from others when youattempt to god forbid say no is the the hard part.

I have been watching Oprah's WW Vision 2020 tour online and the other night she was interviewing the comedian Amy Schumer. They were on the topic of pregnancy, IVF, and motherhood where Amy shared that everyone is all "like do what is best for you, but subtitle-you need to have natural birth….. do what is best for you, but subtitle-you need to breastfeed." I haven't experienced this specific example yet, but find that it is true of everything. Where everyone is like "do you, be authentic, put yourself first," but then when you do you get:you are so selfish, you are hurting my feelings, what do you mean no, what do you mean you can't come, why can't you make it, are you mad at me, I think that…, You should…, you need to…, and whatever other phrase or question that you have heard.

I have also always struggled with doing things that I want to do, because I feel the need to have a justification list. It took my therapist to point out that I can do something just because I want to do it. I remember laughing out loud when she told me this, because that concept had literally never crossed my mind. I had always felt, and still do for the most part, that I have to defend what I am doing most of the time. And if and when I said, "because I wanted to do it just cause" I am often met with confusion- what do you mean.

The best example I can think of was last winter when I volunteered at the local floral shop. I was buying flowers one day and asked if I could come and help/learn how to make arrangements. It was a small effort to help me make it through winter and to give me something positive to look forward too during the week.They thankfully said yes and for a few hours every Saturday I went and enjoyed the glorious smell and radiant colors of fresh flowers!!When I shared that I was doing this, most people's first question was "your doing this for free!?" and when my response was a simple yes, I got back "okaaay!?"

Anyways I am working on making progress in not caring what people think and am trying very hard to filter what I share and with whom I share. This it is tricky and hard work though, because sometimes I am just like why can't other people change and be kinder. Also, I am trying very hard to double down on my efforts to be more supportive and less judgmental of others doing what they think is best for them.  I am making my best effort  to focuson what I need to do to make myself feel fulfilled.

FOCUSING

So I have shared this several times now, to which many of you already know, that I am realizing how much of a spazadoodle I really am. I am lovingly saying and accepting this about myself, but I also want to change this about myself a little bit. Don't get me wrong I really don't mind having crazy as one of my adjectives, but I would like to channel that energy to be a little bit more productive.

In yesterday's post, The Struggle is Real, I shared my goals I had for January and how I really didn't reach them all the way.  Today I need to addthat I have also been going gung-ho about what this blog could be and what I wanted to do to make it super successful. I created this whole business plan and researched and read articles about how to improve it. (Important side note please never sue me for anything related to this blog, if I do anything wrong it is unknowingly and unintentional). I was getting pumped and excited planning my boss babe business, but then I was stressed out because I wasn't writing. Also, whenever I sat down to write, it was taking longer than I thought it would and I was full of self-doubt to what I was saying.

So I have taken a step back and some major deep breathing to switch up what I am doing. For the foreseeable future I am just going to focus on writing. I am not going to actively plan on how to expand this into a money making machine, but to just simply write everyday. This is my new and only goal for February and I have created a self love challenge to help me meet it.

SELF LOVE CHALLENGE

So February is the month of love and I thought what a better way to focus my writing and continue working on putting myself first then to try and do some small daily task that helps me accomplish my goals of writing and being healthier. I found a bunch of pre-made ones on Pinterest, but decided to make my own. I picked activities that I would like to do and are also inspired by every self help book, article and video I have watched. I will also write and post about how it is going daily.

I am A-okay doing this by myself and we will see how it goes, but I am posting my list below, incase you might want to do it with me!!? This is an open invitation to do all of them and/or whatever ones you like and/or if you create some of your own activities to try. My intention is for it to be fun and helpful at the same time, so let me know what you think!!

1. Journal: My dream life would be …
2. Create a Vision Board
3. Update and schedule Calendar for Month
4. Buy a bouquet of flowers
5. Go for a walk by myself
6. Cook a clean meal
7. Watch a TedTalk or Inspirational Video
8. Go to bed early or on time
9. Prepare meals for the week
10. Go to an exercise class
11. Do a foot soak and pedicure
12. Journal: How can I improve on …
13. Watch a funny and happy movie
14. Write a love letter
15. Bake or buy a sweet treat
16. Clean for the week, including my closest
17. Pin 10 inspirational/motivational pins
18. Listen to a funny and/or motivational podcast
19. Journal: Steps I can take to improve…
20. Call a friend
21. Star gaze
22. Sleep in
23. Plan outfits for the entire week
24. Sit under a blanket and with cup of tea/coffee
25. Watch favorite sitcom
26. Journal: My best qualities are
27. Have a Dance Party to my favorite music
28. Enjoy the sun or being outside
29. No technology for the day.

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Source: https://mynuttyknowledge.com/the-struggle-continues/

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